relationship struggles

1-Minute Read: It’s easy to fall in love but…

1Minute-Read-Its-easy-toRemember when you were planning your wedding, your future, and your entire life with the love of your life?  You were excited for your future and just knew you would live happily ever after!!!  But then… life happened. You got busy. You had kids.  He lost his job. You had a health crisis.  Your parents moved in.  The list could go on and on.

Unfortunately, many believe that if you really love each other then everything will just work out — easily.  Not so. It’s easy to fall in love but it’s not so easy to stay in love.

How do you talk to someone who you feel annoyed with because they keep leaving the toilet seat up or they never remember to wash the dishes? Or they talk to the TV more than they talk to you?  You used to want sex, but now…?  The way you used to discuss issues may have worked years ago, but not any longer.  What’s happened?

These are common scenarios in relationships.  Talking to someone when you are mad, hurt, angry, or confused is not easy.  You are likely to make the situation worse because you will be leading with your emotions.

It takes knowing what to say, when to say it and how to say it.  It takes knowing what to do when you don’t feel heard or see no real change.

It also takes really listening to your partner’s words without getting caught up in their attitude, defensiveness or lack of words.

Here is a tip:  When you are really upset, DON’T TALK.  It is ALWAYS okay to nicely state that you are not in a good place to talk right now.

Of course, you will need to set a time to discuss the situation later. Do not let it linger.  In the meantime, you will need to clear your head.  Talking to someone with an unbiased opinion can help you see the situation for what it really is.

Need to talk?  Please let me know.  I would love to coach you through your relationship struggles and communication speed bumps.

 


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c
Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

1-Minute Read: What’s happening to me? Why am I always upset?

recite-vxonc8Ever feel this way? I’m sure you have. We all have.

I know from experience (and from my clients) that when this happens, it can be very scary. If we are lucky, we may know what’s upsetting us (and I’m not minimizing this) but often times we have no clue.

Possibly we have learned how to minimize our own feelings. Oddly enough, many of us have been repeatedly told that we make a big deal out of nothing. Yet my experience with women is that often times we take something that should be a big deal and make it into nothing. Why?

We women are masters at minimizing our feelings and relationship struggles. Is this because we think we can deal with anything that comes our way? Or is it because our mothers always appeared to handle everything? Or is it something else? It’s no different than the instinct of an animal in the wild hiding its weaknesses or injuries so they’re not perceived as pray .

No matter the reason why, we internalize our feelings in an attempt to minimize them. But this backfires and bubbles to the surface. We feel anxious, irritable and upset all the time and snap at the slightest pressure to seemingly unrelated things. We know it, but we can’t stop it.

So what should you do?

Start by identifying your feelings. When and how often are you feeling upset? Is it when you are around a particular person on in a certain situation (groups)?

Do not place any judgment in this area. Remember, this is all just information gathering.

Validate your feelings. You ARE upset for a reason.

Do not let anyone else minimize how you feel once you’ve identified the cause. That will only make you feel crazy and contribute to anxiety and depression.

Next step… contact me and I will work with you to help you understand your emotions as well as your situation. Then, together, we can make a plan for moving forward and managing your emotions.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

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I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I left your office so inspired today.
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AnnaMay
To say Michelle changed our lives would not be an exaggeration. She was very empathetic and non-judgmental... She didn't make our daughter feel badly... She didn't make my husband and myself feel like incompetent parents.
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Linda
I definitely owe my newfound confidence to Michelle. Without her, I don’t know how I would’ve been able to come out of my horrible situation as such a better version of myself.
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Grace
People don't understand Michelle doesn’t just offer advice… which they seem to be afraid of hearing. I convey the message that the decisions you make are ultimately your own but Michelle will help you find clarity and sort through emotions.
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Chris
We felt comfortable knowing that Michelle would be the kind of counselor that would help our daughter see the good in herself, but also question some of her choices and actions.
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Patricia
You have brought back the communication ability that I thought that I lost. You helped her understand what we were feeling and she is such a better person for seeing you.
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Maggie
Michelle, you are so right about [my daughter] and how she thrives off of feelings of accomplishment. All seems to be good now. She amazes me every day with the way she is learning to handle tough situations.
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With Michelle’s guidance, I was able to accomplish in approximately 8 months what I hadn’t been able to over the past 15 years.
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Retired Arlington County Teacher
She helped me focus my attention toward problem-solving issues.
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Michelle is the best life coach I ever had.
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Michelle is an excellent listener and her insights and advice were always right on target.
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She helped me in so many ways!
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Michelle Kelly saved my life. What more can I say?
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