pattern of arguing

1-Minute Read: Over-thinking something in your relationship?

over thinking2Chances are if you’re a female (and if you’re reading this, you most likely are) then you have experienced the agonizing frustration of over-thinking an issue or an argument. But how do you know if you are over thinking? If you could stop, wouldn’t you?

My experience in working with girls and women has shown me that we tend to over think an issue or argument in a relationship for the purpose of understanding what just happened. Yet understanding what is REALLY going on in your relationship is a learned skill.

• Most people only look at the surface issue in an argument. What is more important is the pattern of arguing in your relationship or how you conduct yourself when you argue (i.e. are you following the rules to healthy arguing? Is your partner?). For more information on the rules of healthy arguing, please look for my next newsletter.

Notice how much time you spend on figuring out why you are upset in your relationship. While I understand you really aren’t going to know exactly how much time you spend “over thinking”, my guess is that it is more time than you realize or you would want. What else could you do with the extra time and energy?

We women are masters at wasting time over-thinking and we wonder why we are so tired!! This is where working with a counselor can help you to pinpoint the core issue and give you the thinking skills to gain clarity, communicate your feelings and needs, and move on.

Please don’t struggle with this on your own. I’m here and I’d love to help you. Contact me by email or phone and let’s work through this.


Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email

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