Girls

1-Minute Read: Over-thinking something in your relationship?

over thinking2Chances are if you’re a female (and if you’re reading this, you most likely are) then you have experienced the agonizing frustration of over-thinking an issue or an argument. But how do you know if you are over thinking? If you could stop, wouldn’t you?

My experience in working with girls and women has shown me that we tend to over think an issue or argument in a relationship for the purpose of understanding what just happened. Yet understanding what is REALLY going on in your relationship is a learned skill.

• Most people only look at the surface issue in an argument. What is more important is the pattern of arguing in your relationship or how you conduct yourself when you argue (i.e. are you following the rules to healthy arguing? Is your partner?). For more information on the rules of healthy arguing, please look for my next newsletter.

Notice how much time you spend on figuring out why you are upset in your relationship. While I understand you really aren’t going to know exactly how much time you spend “over thinking”, my guess is that it is more time than you realize or you would want. What else could you do with the extra time and energy?

We women are masters at wasting time over-thinking and we wonder why we are so tired!! This is where working with a counselor can help you to pinpoint the core issue and give you the thinking skills to gain clarity, communicate your feelings and needs, and move on.

Please don’t struggle with this on your own. I’m here and I’d love to help you. Contact me by email or phone and let’s work through this.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

1-Minute Read: What’s happening to me? Why am I always upset?

recite-vxonc8Ever feel this way? I’m sure you have. We all have.

I know from experience (and from my clients) that when this happens, it can be very scary. If we are lucky, we may know what’s upsetting us (and I’m not minimizing this) but often times we have no clue.

Possibly we have learned how to minimize our own feelings. Oddly enough, many of us have been repeatedly told that we make a big deal out of nothing. Yet my experience with women is that often times we take something that should be a big deal and make it into nothing. Why?

We women are masters at minimizing our feelings and relationship struggles. Is this because we think we can deal with anything that comes our way? Or is it because our mothers always appeared to handle everything? Or is it something else? It’s no different than the instinct of an animal in the wild hiding its weaknesses or injuries so they’re not perceived as pray .

No matter the reason why, we internalize our feelings in an attempt to minimize them. But this backfires and bubbles to the surface. We feel anxious, irritable and upset all the time and snap at the slightest pressure to seemingly unrelated things. We know it, but we can’t stop it.

So what should you do?

Start by identifying your feelings. When and how often are you feeling upset? Is it when you are around a particular person on in a certain situation (groups)?

Do not place any judgment in this area. Remember, this is all just information gathering.

Validate your feelings. You ARE upset for a reason.

Do not let anyone else minimize how you feel once you’ve identified the cause. That will only make you feel crazy and contribute to anxiety and depression.

Next step… contact me and I will work with you to help you understand your emotions as well as your situation. Then, together, we can make a plan for moving forward and managing your emotions.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

One-Minute Read: Life Experiences Are Never Wasted

 recite-p2g94dWe ALL have to deal with challenging and difficult situations, people and relationships in our lives. If our expectation is that life should be effortless and others have it easier, then we will certainly be disappointed.

Some of us are dealing with loss (death or divorce) or with painful transitions or scary health situations. Whatever you are dealing with, it is important (at some point) to “step away” and view your situation from different angles.

• What are you learning from this experience?
• Are you deepening your compassion?
• Are you becoming less judgmental?
• Are you realizing that you are not living your passion?

At times it’s very helpful to depersonalize our situation. We tend to get very attached to our situations, whatever they are.

Please remember your situation does not define you — you define you!

• Your divorce does not define you.
• Your illness does not define you.

If you are struggling with a difficult life situation and you would like support and guidance in bringing out the meaning or need help getting unstuck…then please reach out to me and schedule an appointment.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

One-Minute Read: Change One Thing

One-Minute Read - Change One ThingIt’s easy to get overwhelmed when we want to start making changes in our lives.

So start with one thing you would like to change about yourself.

It could be controlling your impulsiveness so you don’t lash out at the ones you love.

It could be a decision to be more present in the moment with a loved one.

It could be scheduling 10 minutes in your day to exercise or have a quiet moment to rejuvenate.

You pick yours. Just pick one thing you want to change – something that’s doable.

I guarantee you will start to feel better about yourself and be more in control of your life. Then you can pick the next thing.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

One-Minute Read: Stop Believing Every Stupid Thought That Goes Through Your Head

One-Minute Read - Stop Believing Every Stupid Thought That Goes Through Your HeadOn average, would you say that many of your thoughts are fear-based, negative, anxious or self-doubting?

“I’m not good enough.”

“No one will like me.”

“I’m stupid.”

You are not alone. This is an all-too-common pattern for girls and women.

Stop believing every stupid thought that goes through your head! Start by paying attention to your thoughts.

If you have such negative thoughts about yourself, why do you believe them? Challenge them or ask a good friend to help you to challenge those thoughts.

Is it possible that such thoughts were put into your head a long time ago?

Did you put them in your head when you were in a different place in your life?

It is time to get rid of them. They do not serve any purpose in your life. Let them go.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

One-Minute Read: What Are You Tolerating?

One-Minute Read What Are You ToleratingWhat are you tolerating in your relationships that you should not be?

Arrogance, rudeness, disrespect, putdowns?

Why are you tolerating this? Where did you learn to tolerate being mistreated?

You matter!   You can learn how to respond (not react) to mistreatment. You can create positive changes in yourself (and hopefully your relationships).

What about your daughter? What have you observed her tolerating in friendships or dating relationships?

What are you willing to do to change this cycle?

Not sure how to start this process? Reach out to me so I can help you.


 

Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

One-Minute Read: Who’s Driving Your Bus?

One-Minute Read - Who’s Driving Your BusThe correct answer should be YOU.

We all should be in the driver’s seat of our own lives.

It can be so easy for a woman to get in the passenger’s seat — or even the back seat — and just go along for the ride.  To become a bystander.  To let other people make the decisions.

But this is your life.  What do you want?  What’s your opinion?

You matter!

Please drive your own bus.  Your daughter is watching.

 

 


Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

1-Minute Read: Hear with new ears!

Rarely do we “hear” new information after we reach a certain age or stage in our life. We simply stop processing familiar sights, sounds and people because we are so accustomed to them.

As we age, however, we also mature and our perspective changes.  Therefore, we should constantly be listening with new ears. 

New ears permit us to hear old information with a fresh, open-minded awareness so it registers as though we are hearing something new and different.

The next time your husband, boyfriend or child speaks to you, make a conscious effort to listen with your new ears… you may be pleasantly surprised.

 


Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

1-Minute Read: Future Problem or Present Problem?

How many of us spend a lot of time worrying about an issue in the future – one that may or may not ever happen? Don’t we have enough things to deal with right now? Yes!

  • First, decide what’s a current problem and what is a future one. Most of the things we worry about are in the future.
  • Keep critical thinking skills on today. Focusing on tomorrow’s problems can tie up our energy and keep us stuck.
  • Stay with current problems and we will find that we are more effective, less stressed and have more energy.

You can do this! Train your mind to think differently. Yes, it can be done.

If you are one of those people who say “It won’t work for me”, we should talk.

 


Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

1 Minute Read: Stop The Arguing!

Many of us get stuck in an arguing pattern in our relationships and we can’t seem to get out of it.

Here is my advice:  Interrupt the pattern.  

  • It is normal and understandable that we all have emotional reactions when something upsets us so I’m not saying we have to stop having our emotional reactions.
  • What I am saying is that we can train ourselves to push the pause button before responding.
  • Yes, that’s right — we all have the ability to choose how we wish to respond in an argument or heated discussion.
  • By pushing the pause button we will give ourselves some time to think about what we want to say and how we would like to deliver the message.
  • This simple change can make a huge difference in our life and relationships.

Think about it: What’s the difference between reacting and responding?

 


Michelle Kelley 10.14 c

Michelle Kelley Licensed Counselor, Owner, Girls Stand Strong

Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.

Read What People Are Saying About Michelle Kelley.

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Testimonials

I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I left your office so inspired today.
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AnnaMay
To say Michelle changed our lives would not be an exaggeration. She was very empathetic and non-judgmental... She didn't make our daughter feel badly... She didn't make my husband and myself feel like incompetent parents.
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Linda
I definitely owe my newfound confidence to Michelle. Without her, I don’t know how I would’ve been able to come out of my horrible situation as such a better version of myself.
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Grace
People don't understand Michelle doesn’t just offer advice… which they seem to be afraid of hearing. I convey the message that the decisions you make are ultimately your own but Michelle will help you find clarity and sort through emotions.
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Chris
We felt comfortable knowing that Michelle would be the kind of counselor that would help our daughter see the good in herself, but also question some of her choices and actions.
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Patricia
You have brought back the communication ability that I thought that I lost. You helped her understand what we were feeling and she is such a better person for seeing you.
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Maggie
Michelle, you are so right about [my daughter] and how she thrives off of feelings of accomplishment. All seems to be good now. She amazes me every day with the way she is learning to handle tough situations.
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Cynthia
With Michelle’s guidance, I was able to accomplish in approximately 8 months what I hadn’t been able to over the past 15 years.
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Elizabeth
I am forever grateful for Michelle's help.
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Anne
Thank you, Michelle, for giving me my voice and a new lease on life.
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Nancy
Retired Arlington County Teacher
She helped me focus my attention toward problem-solving issues.
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Laura Clancy, Owner
MuffinToppled® Fitness Coaching
Michelle is the best life coach I ever had.
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Marina
Michelle is an excellent listener and her insights and advice were always right on target.
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Ann
(mother of a teen girl)
She helped me in so many ways!
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Kelly
Michelle Kelly saved my life. What more can I say?
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Stephanie W.

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